The Key to Happiness
The Key to Happiness in Relationships
We want to experience happiness, joy and fulfillment in our relationships. What gets in the way of creating what we want is our unknown and non-communicated expectations. As human beings we have expectations. It’s what we do.Most of the upsets we have in relationships come from unmet expectations. What works to create peace in relationships is to discuss the topic of expectations. We need to learn how to be aware of our expectations and how to navigate them such that we experience peace and happiness.
Where do Expectations Come From?
Through our growing-up years, we learn attitudes and beliefs about relationships and marriage. Most influences are unintentional (role modeled/observed, interpreted ‘between the lines’ from comments or conversations overheard), while others are explained (i.e., why budgeting is important and how to do it) or legally required (i.e., you can only be legally married to one person at a time).
Much of what we learn about marriage or relationships in general comes from:
Family of origin (parent/grandparent models, attitudes among relatives, siblings)
Society (friends, neighborhood, school or church, TV/media)
Personal experiences and preferences (hurts, happenings, and hopes)
Don’t let expectations keep you down
Are you ready for a happier relationship? Start identifying your expectations. It could be some of your expectations no longer serve you.
A Practical Exercise:
To begin identifying beliefs that don’t serve you do this exercise. Using experiences/remembrances in the families in which you grew up:
Write down the expectations of men and women:
Power
Partnership
Communication
Work
Household responsibilities
Take a look at your responses and explore what you learned, how that influences feelings and views of yourself and your partner.
What you need to do similarly/differently.
Experiment with new tasks or learn how to do a shared task together (painting the house, installing computer software) and reflect on how flexibility in skills reduces stress and increases abilities of both partners. If necessary use "chore" lists and "encouragement" notes to help change to new habits.
Try the same exercise for other practical issues like parenting, money and sex.
When expectations remain unmet and extra efforts drain energy and enthusiasm, partners may be tempted to give up, blame each other, or become pessimistic about their future.
Attitudes and performance are constantly changing—often unintentionally through stress or circumstances—so expectations constantly need readjusting.
I invite you take this exercise on and invite your spouse/family member to do it with you. Create a dialogue about expectations and take on creating expectations in your relationship newly.
Until Next Time,
VenniecePs.
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